The Adventure Diaries

Guys!!! I just completed the very first challenge of my project and I am over the moon about it! Last night, I sang Creep (by Radiohead) at my first ever open mic at Hudson’s On Mercer! It was really scary but I had a total blast, it was so fun.

After school ended, my friend Sara drove me to Hudson’s so she could take her music lessons, and I could sign up for the open mic. Sara is really talented and one of the coolest people I know, and she takes drum lessons and voice lessons. I was invited to sit in for her lessons but after she did warmups and technical stuff, so while I was waiting I sat on a couch and read a book of quotes by Dolly Parton. One quote that stuck with me was:

“Above everything else I’ve done, I’ve always had more guts than I’ve got talent.” -Dolly Parton

I really like this quote because to me, it’s a reminder to be confident in myself no matter what. Dolly’s words of wisdom helped me a lot later in the night, when I went onstage in front of so many people and sang for my open mic!

While I was contemplating Dolly’s quotes, a girl came up to me and we started talking. She was around my age, and we talked about our different school experiences (She goes to public school, and I’ve only been to private), musicals (we’re both theatre lovers), and music in general. She was really nice, and I was really proud of myself for taking a chance and making a connection with a stranger, because it’s actually really scary for me to interact with people and easy for me to say a brief hello and mind my own business.

Eventually she had to go to her own lesson, and Sara came out and said she was done with warmups, so I went to sit with her. I met her drum teacher Brian, who was a little intimidating, but ended up being really cool, and settled into my seat to watch the lesson. Sara’s been practicing the drums to Basket Case by Green Day, and it was cool to watch her. I don’t play drums so I was absolutely baffled at how fast and accurately she could play, and I was completely lost when looking at the music. My favorite part of the lesson was when she got stuck on one drum riff (is that what you call it?) and she played it over and over for like fifteen minutes. I loved this because I used that time to try to learn it too, and it was a really fun exercise.

After her drum lessons was voice lessons with Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret was really nice and included me in the lesson, and Sara and I did vocal warmups together and then sang a few songs together. I recommended we sing Back to Black by Amy Winehouse because I absolutely love singing that song and Sara likes it too, so we tried to sing it, and Mary Margaret stopped it a quarter of the way through because it was too inappropriate for her. I felt so embarrassed! I didn’t know what she was okay with and I thought the song would be fine, but it wasn’t and that must not have been such a great first impression!! I actually think about this moment more than I should, and I’ve been trying to let it go. I know that writing it out makes it seem like a very silly thing to be hung up on, and I agree. I don’t know why it affected me so much but it did. The best I can do is to say oh well, and I did nothing wrong, and try to let it go. Other than that incident, the lesson was really fun and Sara and I sang Adele together and had a blast. 🙂

After her lessons, we signed up for the open mic (I convinced Sara to perform too,) and since we had a couple hours before it was time, we drove to Sara’s house to prepare and wait.

I’ve never been to Sara’s house before, but it was really nice and I felt very welcome. She has this adorable demon of a cat named Archie (after the comics!) and I tried to tame him a bit, but it didn’t really work. Sara sat on her bed and practiced guitar while I looked through her record collection and played with Archie.

We got bored and decided to make a quick HEB stop, (for those of you who don’t know, HEB is the local grocery store.) and drove around with our snacks with the windows down, singing and having fun! I LOVED it, and definitely will be saving that memory in my brain forever.

And then I made the mistake of having coffee.

I have a very very very very LOW caffeine tolerance, especially if I don’t eat enough food before or after I drink coffee. And guess what I did. After not eating since lunch, I got a mocha latte and drank ALL of it, and then proceeded not to eat until it was too late and I was already shaking really badly and thought I was going to die. To make matters worse, I was already so nervous for the open mic and that plus the caffeine had me going crazy.

When we pulled back up to Hudson’s I felt anxiety and fear curling up in my gut, and I added that to the pile of uncomfortable sensations I was experiencing. I did my best to look calm, confident and friendly as I walked in, and met with Vaughan, who was hosting the open mic. He told me he would go on, play two songs and then I would be up. I shook his hand and smiled, and hoped he couldn’t feel my hand shaking. Sara and I found a table in the corner where we sat as I nervously shoved trail mix into my mouth. When I tell you I was the most nervous I’ve been in forever, I mean it. There was one point where my vision started going spotty and I thought I was going to pass out, but I didn’t, thank goodness. I tried to breathe deeply as I watched Vaughan perform, and finally it was my turn to go up.

I’m not going to describe every single second up there, but it was really cool. I walked up in confidence, or at least I tried to, and got on the stage. I introduced myself and my project, and I got a round of applause for my bucket list, and I hadn’t even started yet! I asked if everyone was okay with me cursing, because my mom was in the audience and I really wanted to curse. So I did. I was shaking so much the whole time, and felt a little awkward, but I gave it my all and had a lot of fun. The video will be posted on my youtube, @the-adventure-diaries, as soon as I work up the courage to post it. 🙂

I’m really glad I sang it, and the whole focus was letting go of the outcome. Wabi-Sabi, you know? No? Wabi-sabi is a Japanese philosophy about finding and appreciating beauty in imperfections and mistakes. One example of this is when weaving carpets or tapestries, a mistake in the pattern will be intentionally included to signify nothing natural is completely perfect. I’m appreciative of this experience because I was more confident than I thought I could be, and very courageous. I felt proud of myself and happy that I had accomplished my first goal!

…

Until the next day at school, when my teacher/capstone mentor Adam had me play the video of me singing on the TV in front of the whole class. THAT was more embarrassing than the actual open mic. At first I was annoyed and mortified, but I realized he’s doing this for me, and this is a great opportunity to be forgiving and confident in myself and support myself no matter if anyone else does. That is a really hard thing to do, but I’m trying, and I learn a little more every day. I’m grateful for the whole experience and my progress in combating my fear of failure.

My biggest takeaway from this is: It’s worth it to try, even if I fail, because I still have tried and that is something to be proud of.

Thank you all for reading, as always you’re my favorite. (Don’t tell instagram or youtube.)

Until our next adventure,
-Grace 🙂